but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
