I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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