I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
