since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
