Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i came on her dog
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
