i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
