Where is the hickey?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
