She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
