I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
