i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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