a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had to cum in my sink.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
