operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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