It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
