I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
