Kiss
Puke
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
