I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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