left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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