Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
