he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
