No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
