And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
