doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
