if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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