Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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