Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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