don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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