oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
