i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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