VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
