she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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