brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He did a backflip because drugs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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