I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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