Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
