did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
