We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
