I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
