anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
