I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
