Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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