everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
