I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We talked him into tasing himself.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
God, I missed his penis.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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