Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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