Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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