i just had sex bonerless
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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