I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
