Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
