Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
