I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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