Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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