I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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