I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
