Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
