Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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