What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
