it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
