i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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