my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
