whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
True strength comes from lack of pants
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
